


touché coulé

by smoll_jane



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Angst, Dark Past, Enemies to Lovers, Gun Violence, M/M, Slow Burn, Undercover, Undercover Missions, Violence, twice's members will only appear from time to time don't sue me for tagging them please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2020-10-10 17:54:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20532143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoll_jane/pseuds/smoll_jane
Summary: -Let me tell you how it works down here.…Rule number one : we don't exist.Rule number two : no relationship.Rule number three : you never discuss an order.~Or,Not even once did the idea of breaking the rules go through Jun's mind. Not even once did he think he could actually want to break them. But now that Minghao is there, now that he's reminded of his past every single time he looks at him, maybe things will change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, I'm here, again, with a new fic! 
> 
> This is a concept I wanted to try for a long time, and I really hope you'll like it as much as I (until now) enjoyed writing it. Once again, Jun's point of view, but as we say, why change things when they work well? 
> 
> Please, as always, tell me what you think of it! I'd be glad to know :)  
Take care ♡

"Jun wake up, the chief wants us ready."

The hand on his shoulder has nothing gentle when Jun is woken up shaken by his roommate. Slumber still has its claws digged deep in his shoulders when he sits on the bed, his head knocking on the ceiling, provoking a low grunt. Tightening the blanket against his bare chest, he blinks a few times to finally descern Mingyu, already getting dressed in a rush, hair still looming crazily on top of his head.

"Official outfit?, asks Jun, his voice lost somewhere between his burned lungs and the too short night he had.

Mingyu turns around, already zipping his black jacket up and trying his best to flatten his wild streaks.

"He took his cane out." No need to add anything else, Jun's mind is suddenly perfectly clear and ready to work.

Jumping down the bunk bed, it doesn't take him more than a minute to get dressed, in black from head to toe, tying his boots laces when the door slams open. Soonyoung appears in its frame, and in the background, with some focus, Jun can hear the familiar sound of the walking stick pounding the floor in echo to Seungcheol's heels, as well as hurried steps in the hallways.

"Hurry up, we don't have the whole day", Soonyoung hisses. He's in a bad day for sure. Or the matter is important enough to turn off his positive side.

Mingyu shoves Jun to get out, quickly going to the root of the sound. When Jun follows him, head spinning and heart running, he swallows a sigh at the view of everyone standing in the hallway, faces dark, postures flawless, atmosphere heavy. He knows this too well, thought it wouldn't happen anymore. Maybe he chose to believe it wouldn't, but still, when the silence falls and Seungcheol faces them, a blurred memory drowned in alcohol and tobacco resurfaces.

_"These are the ones, I know it. We're in deep need of new faces, can't afford to stay with so few people."_ So it's happening. Once again.

"There's three of them. Young. Strong. Keep them alive." Seungcheol's voice bursts like the sound it makes after a riffle runs too close to your ear. It swishes and mutes. The silence settles again, the sizzling gets away.

Jeonghan's light steps resonate and he opens the main door, the one that needs four keys and is used for two things only : emergency exit, and the new recruits. The outer world is still separated by seven other doors, impossible to open from outside, unreachable. 

They look like nothing but strong. Nothing but what they need here. Hesitant, unsteady, uncomfortable. Fresh, too alive, too _real_. They belong to the world outside, they don't belong here and don't look like they ever will. Jeonghan makes them line up against the wall, in front of them, the invisible boundary between the outside and the inside burning, shining like a chasm.

Next to Jun, Jisoo startles when Seungcheol breaks the silence once again. Breaking things. It works so well for him. "Bow, greet your superiors." It's rough, low, raw. One of the newby widens his eyes and quickly follows the two others to obey. Jun stares at them, analyzes them, scans them. It's stealthy, but he notices the tallest, skinniest one. He doesn't look down. He's looking at him. His eyes are penetrating, tear a shiver off Jun. But he's persuasive enough to make him look down as he's supposed to.

When they straighten up, Jun knows it's time for all of them to hear the same old explanation. It's been a long time. They never forget. How could they? Seungcheol stops at the end of the two lines, leaning on his cane, royal in his sleeveless turtleneck, gaze dominative. Jun knows by heart this little merry-go-round. Could recitate it, as if reading a book. How could they forget? How could they forget who they are, what they're meant to be?

_Let me tell you how it works down here. _

"Let me tell you how it works down here."

_We're the cops joker. The dark card they shoot down when they don't want their pretty hands dirty with blood. We're the shadow, the other side of the business. The one that has nothing to do with justice._

"We're the cops joker. The dark card they shoot down when they Don't want their pretty hands covered in blood. We're the shadow, the other side of the business. The one that has Nothing to do with justice."

_Now, the rules. _

"Now, the rules. Rule number one : we don't exist. You don't have a life anymore out of these walls. Your only purpose is the mission you're assigned. We don't exist and no one knows you or anything about these undergrounds. If anyone happens to learn anything, and I say _anything_, about what we're doing, who we are, what this place is, it's over for you. Since you don't exist, it's easy to make you disappear."

_Rule number two : no relationship. May it be love or just sex. With anyone, in or out. Nothing they can take from you, Nothing you can be taken from. Nothing to distract you._

"Rule number three, the last one : you _never_ discuss an order. You've got a mission, you execute. You're told to stay still, you stay still. You're not here to play the princesses, be ready to have your hands dirty with the dirtiest of bloods but also the purest. Don't think the police only asks us to be heroes."

All along Seungcheol's explanations, despite looking straight ahead of him, staring at a stain on the wall, Jun sensed the newby's eyes on him. It's disturbing, just like a bug flying around but never touching you. When it turns unbearable, he looks away from the wall to dive his eyes directly in the boy's ones. He seems startled at first, but holds the look, keeps his chin way too high for someone who should be terrified, broken desperate. Jun's gaze hardens, and the boy finally looks down. 

Finally, after an eternity, it's time for the introductions. Seungcheol does the job, talking fast, brief, efficient. Sergeant, lieutenant, first mate, ending with the captain, himself. And then, it's time for the newbies. Hansol, Seungkwan, the stubborn one goes last. Minghao. An acrid taste fills in Jun's mouth at the hearing of his name. A bitter sensation of faded memories, a blurred picture of a burning house. For the first time in years, he wonders what took place instead of his disappeared home. 

_Home_. It wouldn't have anything to do with home, now, if he get to go back there. It wouldn't even be going _back_, just going, nothing more. He belongs to this society, he belongs to these crappy undergrounds, this never-leaving smell of tobacco clinging on him even after showering, he's meant to have both of his hands curved with the shape of a gun.

Jeonghan drags the newbies away in the corridors to show them the place, but Seungcheol doesn't let the rest of them go. He faces them, cane put right between his two legs as he leans on it with both of his hands. Jun can sense his little habits will change, it's written in their chief's eyes, a voice is screaming it in his head. 

"Rooms will change", he starts, looking at them one after another. "They're mostly untrained but I had no other choice than take them in. They need to be ready shortly, so the best way is to be fully immersed between all of you." A few sighs run through the small assembly, Jun senses Mingyu fussing in untold disagreement next to him. "Seokmin, Mingyu, you'll be with Seungkwan. Soonyoung and Chan with Minghao, and lastly Wonwoo, Jun and Hansol. One lieutenant per room, it should be okay like that. Sergents, you're in charge of their training with the weapons, lieutenants, first mate, close combats." Mingyu doesn't even try to hide his irritation as he sighs deeply this time, holding Seungcheol's look when he turns to him.

"Rompez", orders the chief with his awful French accent, a grin stretching his lips. It doesn't fail to provoke a few chuckles as everyone obeys.

Everyone except Jun. As they all go in the opposite direction to reach either their dorms or the training rooms, he follows the captain who's making his way to his office. As soon as the door is closed behind the two of them, Seungcheol sighs, not turning around to face Jun. He lets his cane fall on the floor, his body naturally taking the angle his limping caused with the years. Waiting a few more seconds, Jun leans against the door, closing the eyes to manage his emotions.

"You did it on purpose, right?", he whispers, still not opening the eyes, The words almost ache when leaving his mouth. He hates talking about the past. He hates the past.

"China is a big country, Jun", replies Seungcheol, now sitted at his desk, in his huge leather chair. Jun opens the eyes, sticks them in his chief's ones, silently begging for understanding. "You know I'm not the only one who's got a say in this."

A thrill runs through his veins, a flash of pain at the memory of his country. But is it still really his? He leaves his spot against the door to grip the furniture, leaning forward to look at Seungcheol from higher. "But what if,"

"There's no if in this Jun", he cuts him off, gaze hardening. "I made sure you would still be safe. You perfectly know I wouldn't do anything that could compromise you." As Jun's hands slightly loosen around the edge of the desk, Seungcheol quickly pats his arm before taking out a file. "You don't have to worry, I've got it under control, as I always did. You should go, there's a lot to do."

There's no gap for protest in his tone. Some kindness, sincerity when he tells him not to worry, but nothing more. Jun leaves the room, wandering in the emtpy hallways for a while. There's no sound, just his heels pounding the floor and echoing really far, to reach the darkness at the end of the tunnel.

***

His dorm is already empty from everything but his stuff. Mingyu didn't take long to flee, leaving behind him nothing but the heavy smell of his cologne. He never listened when Jun told him it was awful, which means approximatively three billion times.

Jun decides he's had enough of the upper bunk bed and moves his bed sheets on the bottom one, sitting on the mattress to get used to the new point of view. Oh. Mingyu drew on the bed base, probably with a knife. After all, he maybe left more than just a heady perfume.

A gentle knock on the door makes him straighten up, discovering Wonwoo, carrying a backpack and a pile of clothes, sheets and books. An embarassed smile stretches his lips as he enters and puts his stuff down on one of the tables. No one likes to be roommate with Jun, he got it a long time ago, and Wonwoo is really bad at hiding his inconvenience.

"I'm glad it's you, you know", says Jun, smirking at the slight startle of his new roommate. "I mean, you're a good guy. We're not so close but you doesn't seem like the type of man I wouldn't get along with." Wonwoo turns to him, lips curving weirdly in the vain try of giving him a smile. He nods a few times, rubbing his foot on the floor, and Jun sighs. What is he even trying to do?

After only a few seconds, Wonwoo leaves the room, giving his place to the silence again. Jun has that feeling, at the tips of his fingers, at the top of his spine, that the silence will be nothing but a vague concept from now on.

He can't really tell why, how he knows it, but these new boys aren't great news. He's been used to working with the other men, used to so many things than just colleagues, and now they're here, and he'll have to change so many things it's giving him a headache. At least, the one that has been assigned to his dorm is the one he thought had a chance down here. No need to talk about the cheeky one, Minghao, but Seungkwan looked too fragile. But not the kind of fragility caused by something that could also be the roots of a strength, like it was for Jun. A fragility that will always keep its rods tied around his ankles, slowing him down, holding him back.

He hits his head when standing up and decides it's the climax of negativity of this day. From now on, it'll get better. Training will help to relax for sure. Jun leaves his room and makes his way to the shooting range, alone in the still empty corridors. But after a few meters, he hears foot steps behind him, light, hurried. He turns around and genuinely smiles at the sight of Jisoo, face plunged in more paperworks than he can count. He gets past him without even noticing and continues to his office, turning page after page, letting out loud sighs. After a few seconds, the hallways are silent again except for the faded echo of his heels pounding the floor.

Jun has always loved the silence. It can have so many different meanings. Nothing to worry about, peace, no danger. There's almost nothing he likes more than the silence, but shooting surpasses this love. The rifles flying to their target is the only sound he could listen to again and again. It used to make him sick, he used to be deaf for long seconds after pulling the trigger, but now, now it's a comfort. Because he knows he never misses his target, he knows that after pulling the trigger and feeling the discharge through his entire body, the silence will follow. He can create the silence thanks to his shoots, and he loves that.

Today, shooting doesn't bring him anything but the satisfaction of hitting the centre of the dartboard. It's frustrating. Not being able to breathe and smile because he found peace in himself again. Not feeling any relief on his chest.

And it's even more frustrating when it turns out the training room is filled in with the newbies, hitting the punchbags with so much flabbiness he's forced to clench his fists to keep his mouth shut. He wanted to unwind his frustration but now has to settle for playing the peasant spectator. Seungkwan seems to already suffer, shaking his hands after every hit, clenching and rubbing his knuckles. Hansol goes on with his hits but has a poor technique and will be exhausted in no time. Jun's teeth grit at the only thought of it, but Minghao turns out to be much more skillfull than he looked. He made himself an opinion too fast, he would probably make a good opponent.

At some point, Minghao notices him sitting on a bench and misses his hit. Jun doesn't look away, keeps staring, smirks at his obvious unease of being watched.

He ends up leaving the room.

***

Hansol happens to be a quiet roommate. Discreet and respectful. He comes in the dorm late, leaves early. Trains a lot, doesn't complain, doesn't talk much. Jun likes that. It keeps the silence master, fakes the balance of his habits. He knows it won't last long until it breaks in shards and he's got to get used to many new things, but for now, at least, he can pretend like his insomnia has nothing to do with the new recruits, especially Minghao.

Minghao.

Out of reach, showy, bold. He doesn't bow to his superiors, doesn't seem to even try to adapt to what's settled in the cold undergrounds. The hierarchy is nothing but a crappy carpet he keeps trampling on.

At least, Jun didn't have to talk to him since he arrived, didn't have to hear his voice and accent too close. The slight intonations of Chinese roots throw shivers in his spine and make him want to throw up.

He dreams often. Sees the house burning, hears the screams. It's even worse than it has really been, he sees blood everywhere, the screams stay in his head long after he wakes up drenched in sweat. He'd like to avoid the nightmares, he'd like to forget. But it's something that won't ever leave him, something he'll have to live with for the rest of his days.

Tonight, he stays stucked between the flames when his mind offers him the luxury of waking up. An nth t-shirt changed, he leaves the dorm with a cigarette box and the sensation of his limbs getting licked by the flames.

Some days, it's harder to come back to reality, to remember he's still alive and hasn't perished in the blaze or hasn't got a bullet shot through his skull. And some days, it's harder to remember how to talk and act like his past is erased.

So, when Minghao interrupts his vain try to relax and enters the empty dining hall, the words almost immediately leave his mouth.

"What are you doing here?", he spits out like venom. He didn't realize how sore his throat was.

Minghao looks surprised, he looks young when taking a step back as Jun stands up. He doesn't control his body as the empty cigarette box ends up crashed in his hand. Minghao runs a hand through his jet black hair, resting it on his nape for a while, nervously fiddling his small ponytail.

"I repeat, what are you doing here." Jun takes one more step, the chair following him with a loud creaking on the concrete floor before he shakes the leg to get free.

Minghao keeps backing off, his eyes widening as the distance between him and Jun narrows. His back doesn't take long before hitting the wall and he lets out a muted gasp.

"I can't sleep."

That's wasn't what he meant.

_What are you doing here. What do you want from me. I know you're not here by accident. Tell me who sent you and let's finish this stupid hunt. Let's see if I can kill you first. Let's see what you can do, which resource they've deployed this time. _

Instead, he nods. Jun closes the two meters between them and looks down on Minghao. He's genuinely scared tonight, but he knows it'll fade as soon as he'll take a step out of the room. He knows deep Inside Minghao is still and will still be the cheeky man that crossed eight doors to lock himself in this bunker and make Jun's life a nightmare.

Jun catches Minghao's collar and slightly lifts his tank top, making sure their eyes are linked.

"You should save your energy for the training. I won't go with an easy hand on you tomorrow, trust me."

He hears Minghao coughing after he lets go of him and disappears in the dark hallways.

Something in his eyes was disturbing. He can't put a finger on what it is, can't explain, but he knows there's something he has to be careful about.

Instead of a burning house, pain and death, Jun dreams of Guangdong streets when slumber catches him again that night. He dreams of the scent of food, of the kids running, of merchants greeting him, of cats taking sun baths. That's heinous.

***

He stays true to his sayings. The next day, Minghao's body keeps hitting the floor as the fights go on. Jun lets out the irritation of his short night on the main responsible of it, chases away the rests of his dreams by torturing Minghao's frail limbs. He'd like to say it's easy, but Minghao is actually a pretty good opponent, even though he's still far from Jun's level. Every time Minghao's eyes brighten with the sight of victory, his wishes crash under his back when it hits the floor once again.

As the seconds, minutes and hours pass, Jun starts wondering whether he's really fighting against Minghao or himself. Against Minghao or just the idea of what curse he could have brought to him. Against Minghao or what he reminds him of, or who he could be. But every time he sees the satisfaction in his adversary's eyes, Jun thinks he's right to not let him breathe and he hits again. No matter the reason of his presence, he's got to deserve his victory. He's got to deserve to have Jun's body under him, throat caged between his hands. 

At lunch, Mingyu sits next to Jun and points at Minghao with a head sign.

"You've been kinda hard with him. I bet he'll be covered with bruises for the next week."

Jun shrugs, engulfes an other spoon of rice.

"He better get tougher. He won't survive a minute out there like that", he mumbles, mouth full of food. 

Mingyu scoffs and looks at the young man accross the room, pensive.

"Seokmin said he's surprisingly good at shooting."

One more thing to add on the list of what Minghao takes from Jun. After his habits, after the silence, after the sleep, here's now the calm of shooting. Jun hushes, focuses on finishing his meal before it's cold and leaves Mingyu alone once he's done.

He has to talk to Jeonghan. He has to take a doubt off his mind.

Yoon Jeonghan is the link. The bridge, the connection between the outer world and _their_ world. Jeonghan has a home, somewhere to return at the end of the day, Jeonghan knows people outside, Jeonghan is in right to disappear whenever he wants. Even if he won't ever. He's far too loyal for that kind of betraying.

Jun barges in the office room like a storm, startling Jisoo who makes a pile of paper work falls. The man sighs deeply, sliding his glasses on top of his light brown hair and finally bends down to pick up the sheets.

"Sorry Jisoo. Is Jeonghan there?"

Jeonghan is also in charge of preparing the new recruits. The phase before entering the undergrounds to never go back is short, but his work is also one of the most important one. If it was meant to happen, he'd be the one letting the wolf enter the sheepfold. If there was anything to know about Minghao, Jeonghan would.

Jisoo shakes his head, and Jun feels the frustration growing up in his throat, invading every little inch it can find in his body. He needs an answer. Now. He needs an answer or he feels like he might explode. When Jisoo notices how much Jeonghan's absence affects him, he pulls a chair for him to sit on and puts his red tape aside for a moment.

"What's wrong? Maybe I can help you."

He'd like to shake his head and leave the room. He'd like to act normally and pretend like it's nothing serious. He'd like to fake how it's actually keeping him up every night and gnawing him every day that passes. But today, it seems like it's too much.

"Where did he find Minghao? Where's this boy coming from?" It sounds dry and husky, struggling to get out, sounds to Jun's own ears like he's vainly trying to hide the fact his questions are abnormally weird.

Jisoo looks surprised, just like anybody that doesn't know anything about Jun's past would be. Anybody that isn't Seungcheol. The secretary stares at the void for a few seconds, looking like he's either wondering what the heck is wrong with Jun or shuffling far in his memories to find anything about Minghao. He finally looks up to Jun, shaking his head again, his lips curving in a sorry smile.

What can he do else than sigh? Nothing. So Jun sighs and gets up, ready to leave the office. But Jisoo clears his throat, making him turn around, and he points at the empty desk next to him.

"Jeonghan will be there tomorrow, I'll tell him you need to talk to him."

A hand on the door knob, everything spins a hundred miles an hour in Jun's mind for a handful of seconds. What if he was wrong? What if he was just being paranoid? He looks at Jisoo with the closest thing to a smile.

"You know what? Forget it. And if it could stay between the two of us, I'd be grateful."

Jisoo nods and raises his pinky finger before diving his head in the paperworks again.

That's it. He's just paranoid, thinking too much. It'll take time to make it sink in because Jun has never been good at autopersuasion, but someday he'll believe it.

***

Of course he couldn't forget so easily, sleep on both of his ears. Of course he couldn't avoid the fear crashing his insides, the deep hate when he sees Minghao progressing day by day.

It's been three months. Three months since the three recruits arrived, and it's been three months since Jun stopped sleeping, since he hasn't stopped worrying about every single thing that isn't normal, according to what his mind is trying to make him wonder. Which means everything. His sight blurrs when they have to do an emergency exercise at three in the morning, his heart stops beating when one tells him Seungcheol is out, and his mind stops functioning when Minghao isn't where he should.

Which leads to situations like running like crazy through the hallways to reach his dorm and burst in the room to catch him in the act of whatever it is he could be doing. Having to face his helpless expression before leaving the room, heart running miles an hour, breath hard to catch.

Because no matter what Jun's mind is trying to make him think, no matter how hard he tries not to turn crazy, Minghao never does anything suspicious. Minghao always trains hard, Minghao is drawing when Jun bursts in his room, Minghao is peacefully smoking at midnight when he enters the dining hall, Minghao is healing his wounds in the changing rooms when there's no one else around.

But still, Jun can't take his fear off his mind.

***

"Jun get the hell up. Seungcheol wants you out today."

The red numbers on his digital clock indicate that Jihoon is waking him up at five in the morning when Jun opens his eyes. Which means exactly forty-seven minutes since he stopped disassembling a gun in his mind, and probably fell asleep. Jihoon shakes him by the shoulder as soon as he sees his eyes are open and pulls him out of bed.

Once in the corridors, under the neon lights, he winces at the sight of the dark circles under his eyes.

"God, I hope we still have concealer."

Despite being exhausted, Jun can't help but feel the excitement of being out for the first time in months. Since the last time, his hair has turned black again, the chestnut dyeing he had on being long faded. The tickling in his finger tips end up waking him up and the echo of their footsteps shroud them with a peasant melody. Jihoon walks fast, does not take long on the details of today's mission.

Observation. It's the first day of a potential long serie, depending on their chance. Jihoon refuses to tell him who it is that the _you_ implicates, but implies it could be a newby, since Jun has to teach everything. Jun tries not to think about one of the three possibilities, tries to focus on the fact he'll have to act like a human again after so many weeks under grounds, surrounded with war machines.

_"Jihyo asked us for a favor. Go meet Jeongyeon at a convnience store. She's been undercover for months but her colleagues are starting to wonder about her past. Go and act like an old friend of her. Chaeyoung and Tzuyu are hidden somewhere around, you'll be protected and monitored too."_

These words of Jihoon are also a motivation for Jun. It had been hard to have to stop working with Jeongyeon. Long discussions about everything and nothing for hours with cold coffee, endlessly waiting for their prey to show up, teasing each other non-stop, the feeling of having a real friend. He's happy to see her again after so long.

It's also been a long time since he last wore jeans and a simple t-shirt. Last time, it was a suit, uncomfortable, too small for him, stinky. But he loves the smell of his new clothes, loves the fabric and how it seems to float against his skin. He loves to know he'll be breathing the outside air again in a few moments.

He's got one last door to open before finally being able to leave and start his day. One last door before knowing who his teammate will be, which Jun has forgotten to worry about since he entered the changing rooms. Jun pushes it open with his heart beating maybe a bit too fast, with maybe a bit too much excitement. And finally faces him.

_Is that a fucking joke?_


	2. Chapter 2

There once had been a time when he thought he could never lead a normal life again. And he sort of did. Yes, he entered in a routine, made new acquaintances, got a job. But it has nothing to do with normality, can't even start to be compared to a normal life.

But he liked it. Jun liked the fact there was some days when he completely forgot his past, forgot everything, in fact. Jun liked the fact of friendly fighting with Mingyu to know who was the best lieutenant, he liked to know Seungcheol trusted him, he liked to help the sergents to train, liked to work on tactics with Jihoon.

He liked this non-normal life.

And he doesn't like his actual life. His actual life in which every breath, every wink, every move hurt and remind him of his past. This life in which he's slapped in the face every time he looks at Minghao. Years ago, he thought he wouldn't have anything to do with China for the rest of his life, but Minghao bursted like a storm in his life and broke everything -his habits, his mind, him, in thousands of shards.

Minghao is there, when Jun opens the door. And it means they'll have to work together, he'll have to supervise him, he'll have to get used to his Chinese accent and act like he doesn't notice the slight hesitations or when he's about to say a word in Chinese instead of Korean. Like he wouldn't know the word in both languages.

Minghao looks surprised, too, but not the same kind of surprise as him. A surprise more like "I'll have to work with this antipatic guy but I guess I have no choice", nothing to do with the violent hand tearing Jun's insides apart. He decided to gave up on trying to know why Minghao is there, decided what needed to happen would happen, but that's impossible for him to completely forget who Minghao could be.

Jun sits in front of Minghao, at the table in the middle of the room, trying his best to act formally like with every other sergent he worked with before. Minghao seems slightly uncomfortable, leans back in his chair, looks away.

"Let me get this straight", starts Jun, his voice resonating in the empty room. "For today, I do the job, you follow. And don't even try to disobey. Get it?"

Minghao nods energitically, eyes widened, fully focused. Jun could almost forget the defiance in his eyes, a few weeks ago. But as soon as Minghao gets up, after Jun explained him what to do, confidence and boldness jump out, invading the space around them. Or at least what Jun interprets as confidence and boldness. Minghao walks to the door, the one that will lead them to the outside world, and when he turns around to see if Jun is following, there's this sparkle again, in his eyes. That thing Jun couldn't explain. And it seems to be growing up, eating his dark irises but also lighting them up.

Slightly baffled, Jun gets up too and shakes his head to chase the sight away. It's time to work now. His focus must be more than 100% on the mission. Because even if it sounds easy for today, even if he knows he could do it on his own, there is one more point he's got to be careful about, added to the extreme vigilance that must be inked deep down in him every time he takes a step under the sun : Minghao. He already had to train and accompany new recruits on their first field mission, Chan, even Mingyu, but today it's different. He can't deny the impact his existence has on him, that'd be ridiculous to even try denying it. This day will be hard, heavy to spend, but he has to do it.

Rule number three. You never discuss an order. No matter what. And not even once did it go through Jun's mind to break this rule. This, and any other one. Because that's something Jun learnt early, maybe even earlier than a normal child would learn how to ride a bike : obey. Curve the spine and nod at the instructions. Get bruises all over your body and still stand up to get beaten again.

Shot a bullet in someone's head while looking straight into their eyes as you watch life abandoning them.

Clean your gun and start again. Never cry, never look away from the blood pool, never flinch at the heavy smell of death.

The hallways are long, so much longer than any hallway someone from outside would ever have to walk through. And Jun has all the time to print Minghao's footseps in his mind. The sound, the weight, the silence, the slight lag between his right and left foot. The hip, Jun thinks. Probably no more than three years ago. An accident, obviously, not a deterioration that comes with time. Sometimes, Minghao clears his throat and scratches his nape. He always fiddles his ponytail before letting his hand fall down against his sides, nervously tapping his thigh for a while before giving up. The silence is so generous. Offering Jun all this time to learn everything there is to know about Minghao. It takes him five, sometimes six inhaling before needing to sigh to get enough oxygen. His steps are long and regular, when Jun slows down or fastens up, his adaptation is undetectable. With other shoes, he would also be unhearable. Perfect. But Jun won't admit it. He won't admit it only took him three minutes and fifty-seven seconds to understand why Seungcheol already put him out. He's good.

"Out there", Jun starts. Minghao doesn't flinch at the sudden break of rhythm when he slows down to reduce the distance between them. "You're my cousin. You're still Chinese, we can't hide your accent, not now. Shanyuan, Hán Shanyuan, that's your name. I'm Moon Jaegeun. Your father is my mother's brother. You speak Korean because you're studying law at university here in Seoul. We're not really close, but my mother asked me to take care of you. I hope I've been clear enough. Question?"

He hears Minghao repeating the names, low, quick. He slightly slowed down, focused on memorizing the informations. Jun suddenly stops, making his partner startle as he does so too.

"Question?" Jun repeats, voice cold and deep.

Minghao shakes his head, swallows. "No."

"How old are you?" The question surprises him, he slightly straightens up and widens his eyes, hands gripping his thighs.

"I'm twenty-four." It's the first time since their encounter in the dining hall he hears his voice so weak.

Jun takes a step to him, closes the distance between them, forces him to stick to the wall. The flickering neon lights make his skin glow, look even shinier than usual. They're so close he could sense the air he exhales, if he was still breathing.

"Then you better watch your mouth. Until we're out, I'm still your lieutenant. Respect your elders. I repeat, question?"

The fear in his eyes is irritating. Frustrating. It's not the kind of fear you get for nearing death, loosing everything you have. And most of all, it's not the kind of fear he can allow himself to have once out.

Minghao swallows, closes his eyes for a short second, and when he opens them again, the fear has left.

"No lieutenant Jun."

Jun goes back on his way, slightly smirking as he hears Minghao catching his breath. At least there's still something he will be useful for in his training. And also, a tiny voice deep in him whispers, it can be a proof he doesn't have to fear who Minghao really is. Maybe Minghao is really Minghao and nothing more. But watch your back Jun, he thinks, there's no better way to be sure about anything than by pulling yourself the mask away.

After forty minutes and seventeen seconds, they reach _the_ door. There has been many other ones on their way, but for today, it's _this_ one.

It's seven past six am. The world is waking up. Jun pats the keys in his pocket, the wallet and fake phone in the other one. There's a knife in his shoe, unnoticeable, blade frozen against his ankle. Once this door crossed, they can't go back. Once this door crossed, they're at everyone's mercy. No mic, no in-ear, no talky-walky. Nothing to find the society.

Jun never asks if his partner is ready. If he's here, he has to be. And if he's not, then what's supposed to happen will happen. One last time, he turns around to face Minghao, much closer he felt him, slightly stiffening at the surprise.

"Just follow me. And read between the lines", it's the last time of the day his voice will resonate in the never-ending hallways. After that, they'll be out, in a car, in the streets.

The knob is hard to turn, it creaks and echoes for a few seconds. Jun opens the door, feels the first draft against his skin, smiles at the sensation. Minghao quickly follows, the door closes forever, and they end up in the stairwell of a covered parking lot. Jun walks quickly, Minghao follows silently. Jun doesn't have to turn around to know he's eyeing everything around him, probably still clutching his thigh or fiddling his ponytail.

"You've got your license?", Jun turns around, startling his partner, looking straight at him as if asking if he committed a murder. Minghao nods frantically, probably already thinking about the fact he wasn't prepared to drive. Jun shrugs, makes his way to the car he deduced was their and places himself next to the driver door. "That was just to know. Don't think I'll let you the opportunity to kill the both of us so stupidly from the first day."

While entering the car, he hides a smile at Minghao's relieved sigh. He used to like first missions with newbies. He used to like many more things, in fact. And driving was one of them. The car smells good, new leather, fir tree. It doesn't take him more than three seconds to detect the location of a gun, hidden under the gearbox, and he smirks when noticing the cigarette box and sunglasses stuck between the roof and the sun visor.

Minghao still seems uncomfortable as he puts his seatbelt on, scans the empty area around them. There's no one at this early hour of the morning, and Jun didn't tell him anything about what they would be doing. You don't have to be a genius nor a psychologist to understand he's terrified.

If he really is who he pretends to be. Jun clenches his fists around the steering wheel, lowers his head to rest it on it for a few seconds, closes his eyes.

_You're here for work. You're here to do what you've been ordered to. Not to dig up your past, not to _ _wonder_ _ if you've got your future murderer next to you, Wen Junhui. I beg you, focus on the mission, Don't mess up, _ _d_ _on't think about anything else than the mission. You can't betray Seungcheol, not him, not the whole team down there. You're better than that. You're not Wen Junhui anymore. Behave Jun, behave. Be Jun, be the lieutenant Jun and no one else. Be who you are, be who-_

"Jaegeun? Are you okay?", Minghao has probably already asked many times when Jun realizes he's talking to him.

Baffled, Jun looks up, looks at Minghao and sees the growing worry in his eyes. But while staring at him, while reconnecting to what he's here for, a voice in his head keeps talking. _Wen Junhui. Wen Junhui. Wen Junhui._ That's all it's repeating, nothing more. But that's already almost suffocating. Jun shakes his head, blinks a few times, and brings out his favorite fake smile, the one he uses so often it's starting to be rusty and itch at the corners.

"I am. Shanyuan. Coffee?"

That could be so easy. Be called Moon Jaegeun and Hán Shanyuan, being cousins and having to kill a Sunday by going for breakfast at seven am. So Jun decides today he'll be Jaegeun, will offer his cousin breakfast and will visit his old friend Jeongyeon at her work place in a convenience store.

And occasionally look for a retired mobster's habits.

***

Objectively, it's a nice day.

There's really nothing he can complain about the weather nor the atmosphere. The sun shines deliciously on his skin, there is a light breeze stroking his hair, the streets are calm. Jun can't hide how good it is to be out.

But he also can't hide the fact Minghao is thousands of miles apart from how he thought he would be. The boy is more calm than when they first exited the tunnels, he seems to enjoy the semi-liberty they're given too. His skin still seems used to the sunlight, happily reflects the rays and tints itself with gold. He walks quietly with his hands dived in his pockets, no one could believe even for a second what he is here for. Jun himself starts doubting it.

And that's what is tearing him apart. The planning is perfectly set in his mind, the hours, the places, the elements they need to check. The faces Jihoon quickly showed him on glossy paper under the neon lights.

On one hand, there is his will to carry out his, _their _mission. Show Seungcheol he can still count on him despite the fear. Do his job like nothing changed from the past years he worked for him. Continue on being the perfect machine the society needs, continue to dirty his hands and hush.

And on the other hand, on his blood-covered hand, Minghao. He knows he told himself everything he could to stay focused, to work and ignore the panic crawling towards him as the minutes pass, as the vise tightens.

Maybe the worst in all of this is the fact Minghao looks so innocent. The fact it seems like there is absolutely no reason at all for him to be here, having to get ready to shoot someone as soon as he's asked too. How much fondness there is in his eyes when he asks Jun if he's okay, after one more time of getting lost in his thoughts. His voice is sweet and shyly gropes on his skin. Jun has to focus. Jun has to shake the arm to free himself from this. From this fear, composed of so many different things.

When he takes a step in the coffee shop, he almost bumps in a man going out and has to step back to not hit his head, ending up sticked to Minghao who was following from too close. As soon as the man is away, Jun enters the place and chases away the feeling of Minghao's hand on his shoulder.

If there is one thing he can't set his brain about, it's survival instinct. And at this right moment, he couldn't think about anything but the fact this hand could kill him at any time. Choke him, stab him, pull the trigger and free the bullet that would lodge straight in his heart.

He can't stop thinking about how much Minghao doesn't look belonging to what they're doing. It's easy for now, especially since he doesn't have any clue about their mission, but Jun has that harassing image of him holding a gun or cleaning blood on his hands, and there's something not working. When Minghao orders a green tea and "a, a, hum, a caramel macchiato", like Jun hurriedly asked him, it's like a halo is shrouding him. A halo that wouldn't seem real, even if he was just a normal foreign student in law that accompanies his cousin. Even for the outside reality, there is something wrong with it.

And he can't tell what.

When the boiling cardboard cup ends up in his hands, a bell rings and brings Jun down on earth. Now, it's time to work. Finally. If Minghao seems to look for a seat, Jun doesn't let him dream for too long and immediately reaches the exit, holding the door with a feet for his partner that looks slightly baffled.

"Let's walk for a bit", is the only explanation he gives him. So, Minghao follows, like he's been asked to.

It's almost ten in the morning, the streets are quite calm, the roads peasant. Jun likes being out, because he can adapt his steps to the context. Underground, he always has to walk fast, having no interest in shuffling around or taking his time, but there, he can enjoy, close his eyes for a handle of seconds and feel the warmth of the sun against his eyelids. Listen to the sounds, forsake his love for silence for a day, forget who he is.

"Gē?"

One word. One intention. And yet a hurricane in his mind. His beverage crashes on the floor when the storm reaches his brain, invades his memories. Jun stops, stares at Minghao who looks lost and helpless. _Gē_. That's a word he thought he would never hear again. He hoped, actually, to never hear again. It hurts too much. There's this feeling that for once, it's his heart that is burning and not everything around, as usual. Everything spins around him, everything but Minghao's face, painted with confusion and worries.

There's a second of beating before he feels his legs giving up, and Minghao rescues him, holding him by the elbow.

"Jaegun?"

Of course, it was Shanyuan who asked. Not Minghao. Shanyuan, the fictive cover Minghao is taking today. He's doing his work too well. He's doing his work so well and has no idea how much it's ending to destroy Jun. Because he feels like it was the last straw, like he could die just right here, on this sidewalk, because of a single word.

_That's just a word Jun. Just two letters, just a character, just a syllable. Move on, ignore it, forget it._

It takes him a deep sigh to clear the ashes in his throat, and when he feels able to straighten up and stand on his legs, he quickly chases Minghao's hand away. Maybe sticking his eyes in his partner's help him believing in his own words :

"Don't call me like that. We're in Korea, I'm Korean. And you're supposed to learn the language, not stick to your roots."

_Junhui gēgē._

_I'm Korean. _

Minghao nods, still looking like he doesn't understand anything about what happened. If he were him, Jun wouldn't either. Uncomfortable because of his reaction, he shrugs the crisis away and continues on his way, ignoring the slight _splash_ under his feet as he steps on the spilled coffee. He couldn't drink it, anyway. The ball clogging his throat probably won't leave until he's lying on his bed, staring at Mingyu's draws on the upper bed.

Jun hides the fact he forgot where they left the car by telling Minghao they will walk the whole day, ignoring the complaint of his legs after an hour. But his efforts are rewarded when the shiny neon of Jeongyeon's work place appears in his visual field. A natural smile stretches his lips as he fastens up, feeling what is the closest thing to joy blooming in his heart, sweeping the pain and fear away.

The bell announces their entrance and a long-haired silhouette turns around to look at them, mechanically greeting them as she goes back to her task. Minghao wanders through the shelvings as Jun makes his way to Jeongyeon.

There she is. At first sight, she didn't change at all. But when she straightens up to stare at Jun, he can see the past years through her eyes, through her smile when she recognizes him. But before it, there is all the stress and pressure accrued by the under-cover, this never-leaving alterness that only someone living like her could distinguish. And finally, everything disappears as she throws herself in his arms. She's real, she's really there. Jun realizes it when her laugh clears every single trouble and worry in his mind. She has always had this capacity, chasing eveything bad and keeping only the best.

After a few seconds of embrace, Jeongyeon breaks apart and holds him by the shoulders, her smile looking like it could never fade, contaminating him and every single area of his body. She inspects him, and when she stops at his eyes, it is obvious she sees everything he's been holding back for months. Her smile turns a bit sadder, she rubs his shoulders. They never really needed words when they worked together, but today Jun feels the urge to break the silence, hear her voice, know he's not dreaming.

"It's been so long," he quickly eyes her nametag before sticking their eyes together again, "Hwayoung. How are you doing?"

She just nods, closing her mouth but still letting her smile eats her whole face. Jun dares to lock a loop of hair behind her ear before they definitely break their embrace. They both turn around when footsteps are heard right behind them, an other employee entering the alley.

"Who is it?"

The man is tall, muscled, looks agressive. It's more a reproach than a question, he probably doesn't care about the answer, but Jun wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders and offers his brightest smile.

"I'm Moon Jaegun! Nice to meet you, I'm an old friend of Hwayoung, I was just dropping by to see if she was working well." He risks an eyeing to the side to see Jeongyeon's expression, and when turning his head back to face her colleage, he meets eyes with Minghao, even more lost than during his crisis. He ignores him. "Can she take a small break?"

The giant nods and crosses his arms before going back to the counter. Jeongyeon may be strong, and Jun knows it well enough, he could break her in two with his pinky finger. And Jun refuses to think about it.

He drags Jeongyeon by the wrist to the exit, passing in front of Minghao and slips him a "Wait for me here". They walk to an alley just behind the convenience store, keeping an eye on the door, and Jun doesn't take long to notice the car across the road. Tzuyu and Chaeyoung. But they don't have much time, he wants, _needs to_, talk to his friend. The outside air already seems fresher with Jeongyeon on his side. After a way too short hug, she takes a cigarette box out of her pocket and hands him one.

"I knew someone would come, but she didn't tell me who. Who's that boy with you?"

Jun shrugs, spits out a small cloud of smoke. "My cousin. He's new to the town and I need to take care of him. My uncle is too busy so I'll show him around."

Jeongyeon reads between the lines and nods, quickly eyeing the empty streets around. Then, she seems to remember what she saw in Jun's eyes a little bit earlier, sticks her gaze in his.

"Where's he from? He seemed a bit lost."

"China. I'm terrified he gets himself killed, this town is too dangerous for someone as oblivious as him."

Jeongyeon is clever, she understands the real meaning of what he says, sees the terror in his eyes. Jun's heart tightens at the only idea of worrying her, she's already got enough to do with her own business.

Excepting Seungcheol, Jeongyeon is the only person on Earth that knows about Jun's past. Maybe knows she even more than Seungcheol. Three years, that's how long it took Jun to trust her enough to tell her everything. How long it took him to burst in tears and crumble in her arms, admitting, telling everything he kept for him for six years. And then, when he thought he found some comfort and peace in this world, the teams split, the girls left the undergrounds and he was alone again.

The stubs are crushed under their feet when Jeongyeon welcomes him in her arms again, but this time with this maternal way of her, reminding Jun of so many things. If there is one thing he doesn't ever want to forget about his past, it's the part he spent with Jeongyeon. While she strokes his hair, he tries to soak up her smell, ink it in his brain, remember the sensation of her arms around him.

"I gotta go Jun," she whispers so low no one else could have heard. He likes hearing his name from her. He holds her back a few more seconds, a way to make the tears go back in his eyes. "Don't wait this long to come next time. Everything's gonna be alright, you know how to deal with it."

The next second, she's disappeared.

After gathering his senses, Jun sees Minghao waiting seated at the table out the store, a cardboard cup of coffee in the hands. When he notices Jun is looking at him, he stands up and approaches, handing him the cup. His face is closed, cold.

"Don't let it fall this time," he says, his voice half-amused half-confused, in contrast with his expression.

"You didn't have to," whispers Jun so low he's not sure he really said it.

"But it's my fault, right?" There's an untold blame this time, when Minghao looks at him straight in the eyes, maybe some bubbling anger. "Why are you acting like that? What did I do to you?"

Jun walks away, ignoring the question. The coffee burns his throat when he takes a sip of it. He would like it to clear the pain in Minghao's voice away too. But Minghao jogs to catch up, faces him walking backwards for a while, arms spread in questionning.

"Seriously? What did I do wrong?" His voice cracks on the last word, Jun shoves him to make his way, looking down on his feet. Minghao stops, Jun can feel his eyes on his back as he goes on. They can't have this conversation, because he couldn't say anything.

Maybe this incomprehension breaks something, deep in him. Maybe it breaks a doubt he had, rays a line on the list of why he's so scared. But only maybe. There's always a way to step back with a maybe, always a way to admit your mistake and learn from it. But if he really rays the line, it's over. He won't be able to go back on his steps and change his mind. He couldn't forgive himself.

After a dozen of meters, he hears Minghao walking behind him again. At the same pace, keeping distance between the two of them. They can't work like that. Jun turns around and waves at him with a tiny grin.

"Come on Shanyuan. We'll see about that later."

He doesn't know if it's a lie or not. Couldn't agree with himself, actually. So, he'll see later.

***

They wander in town until the sun sets, Minghao never knowing what they were doing but still looking alerted and on the lookout. Deep inside, Jun is proud to see there's hope. He jumped to conclusions too fast, on the first day. It was disdain leading him, and then, fear, doubts. But now, if he puts all of this aside, he has to admit Minghao will be great once fully aware of his duty.

The list in Jun's mind reduces until they checked, knowingly or not, every place and detail that needed to be checked for this first day of investigation. Fine.

He has rarely felt so drained when they finally reach the car, his eyes almost closing naturally as he pats his pockets to find the keys. He can't hide the way his fingers tremble around the bunch of them as the door unlocks.

"You want me to drive?" Asks Minghao, taking Jun aback. "I remember the way back."

The smile takes place instantly on his lips. He'd kill to be drove home. And there seems to be hope in Minghao's eyes, hope of being useful perhaps. But Jun has to shake his head and disappoint him, taking place behind the steering wheel.

"We're not going back. Too obvious."

Minghao sighs and sits too, staying silent for the first minutes of driving. The last rays of sun on the asphalt are pretty, it dives Seoul in orange and bright pink, as much as Jun's mind. All along the day, fear seemed to have found a nice spot at the back of his mind, falling asleep and giving him peace for a while. It's the end of the day, and he's alive. What could he ask for more?

"About the convenience store," starts Minghao, cutting Jun's ideas. "I thought the boss said no girls."

Jun can't help but chuckle. His eyes leave the road for a second to see Minghao's confused expression. It suits him well. Confusion. But as much as he can't have this kind of thought, he has to watch the road again. Jun shakes his head to chase the image of sunlight adorning golden reflections on Minghao's dark long hair, on sun chips lost in his eyes. He taps the steering wheel to gather his concentration and smiles.

"We used to work together, she's just a friend." He hesitates for a second before going on, but the words are faster than his reflexion when they slip. "Also, I'm not really into girls."

This time, he doesn't look at Minghao, just holds back a grin when he hears his breathing stumble. He could bet confusion is eating his whole face at that right moment. But he prefers to just imagine it, keep it as a blurred image in mind.

They both hush for the rest of the route.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks!   
i'm back with this chapter, i hope you liked it~  
i'm staying home these days because I'm sick so if my head doesn't explode, i'll be able to take advance in my stories ! (so basically this one and until we get out of here)(also I'm planning to write a few one shots, I've got a lot of ideas, let's just hope I'll find motivation to really write them) please, look forward to it, i'll try my best, as always :)  
take care of you all ♡


	3. Chapter 3

  
  
  
He didn't miss the echo at all when the armoured door closes with a loud bang behind the both of them. Here they are again, trapped under artificial light and between concrete walls.

As usual, Minghao follows, silently. But this time, Jun can feel there is something he's wanting to say. He's got a wish to break the silence. For a few minutes, nothing more than their steps resonate, slower than this morning, lazier, more tired. After that, there's a slight change in the rhythm, Minghao fastens up to reach Jun and walk right next to him.

"Lieutenant," he starts, hesitant. "Can we consider now as later?"

He forgot. His promise. Jun doesn't look at Minghao but can guess the untold expectations in his eyes. Now that they're back under ground, he knows for sure his skin looks livid again. Livid but glowy, fascinating. He stops himself from turning the head to face him, keeps looking at the darkness far away, where the walls join.

"Not now. Wait a bit more," it takes him a second to think. Saying it won't kill him, he decides. "Please, give me some time."

Minghao nods, but he doesn't slow down. He's squeezing his thighs again. Soon enough, he raises a hand to play with his slightly disheveled ponytail. During the whole day, Jun wanted to tell him there was a streak that escaped, but he held himself back. There was no reason at all for him to pay attention to that. Therefore, there was no reason for him to make a remark about it.

The place they left the car at is way closer to the center than the parking they had to reach in the morning, and it takes them about twenty minutes to reach the first door they'll use. Jun opens it and lets Minghao pass, not failing to notice the slight hesitation his body sends.

"Debriefing." High ceiling, room empty from anything but two chairs and a table, his voice flies high before crashing on the floor. Jun invites Minghao to sit with a single wave of the hand, imitates him. "Tell me everything about today. What you think we were doing, what you noticed, what you may have linked up."

Although the first noticeable feeling he can see in his eyes is uncertainty, Jun knows for sure there is plenty of other things. Unexpectedly, he's looking forward to be surprised. The fear opens an eye from its nest, curious, maybe suspicious of this change of demeanor. But Jun sends it back to sleep and focuses on Minghao, whose eyes fill in with confidence as the silent seconds pass. But when he opens his mouth, confidence runs away, scared.

"I," his back curves, his shoulders sag. "We followed someone, for sure." His hands don't stop fiddling his jacket, his eyes flee Jun's gaze. "I have a question, lieutenant Jun," he says while straightening up to stare straight in Jun's eyes.

Unsettled for a finger snap, Jun blinks to understand what Minghao just said. He crosses his arms on his chest, nods in approval.

"Go ahead."

"This man we were following, are we gonna kill him?"

For a surprise, it sure is. Jun's jaw slightly falls, he doesn't know what to say. What to conclude of this question. Minghao's eyes fill in with a mix of fear and angst. And Jun's silence doesn't help. Minghao keeps his mouth shut, jaw clenched, he doesn't seem to want to say anything more. Jun leans forward, putting his crossed arms on the table to be closer to Minghao.

"I think so. But that's not something you're supposed to worry about. Now, tell me what you noticed. Tell me who this man is." His voice sounds more reassuring than intended, the authority he wanted to put in is drowned under solace.

Minghao nods a few times before rubbing his face, and when he finally looks at Jun in the eyes again, something changed. His eyes are empty, empty from everything. Just like when Jun looks in the mirror and sees himself.

He starts enumerating, and Jun listens.

"He took a coffee accross the street where we took one too. I think there's nothing useful about that because he stayed inside too shortly to have been able to do anything. Later, I've seen him in a car, he has a chauffeur. A luxury saloon, he's got money for sure. Tinted windows, but he opened one of them to throw his cigarette away. It turned in the alley of a rich neighbourhood. In the afternoon, he was alone this time. We were eating lunch at that time, he entered a tobacco shop and stayed for ten minutes. As soon as he left, a truck left the alley behind the store too."

It's hard to hide his surprise. Of course, Jun has noticed the same things, even a more, but not even once in his career did he find a recruit this good at their first mission. A shiver shakes his spine as the line he hesitated to cross earlier on his inner-list shines bright. He did the right thing by not crossing it. When he looks at Minghao, out of breath, he can't tell what he's supposed to see, what he's supposed to conclude of his expression, of what just happened. Minghao is like a wall, inpenetrable. Everytime he thinks he gets closer to a conclusion, he takes a step back and feels a little bit further from the solution. And everytime he steps back, the fear is there to welcome him and tell him he better watch his back.

"Anything else?" He mouthes, not able to produce a real sound.

"I think he has a mistress. He went in a crappy building, not far from the parking we left the car at. He entered and didn't go out until we left. But, I'd say fifteen minutes after he entered, a woman did too. After his entrance, a light turned on, on the fifth floor, but after she did, no light."

Dumbfounded, that's the word. No one can learn so quickly. He didn't even learn, since Jun didn't tell him anything. No one can be born with this ability. It's impossible, it's not human, Jun can't believe it. He tries to hide his confusion, tries to hold back the fear that left its nest and is now watching from the front row. So Jun nods, avoids Minghao's gaze. He's waiting to know if he did well, waiting for a word, anything, but Jun needs a few seconds. So instead, he takes a sheet and a pen on the table, taps the piece of paper a few times. When he's sure the fear will stay in place, secured, he looks up and gives Minghao the pen.

"Nice job. Now, write everything you told me. Don't forget anything. I'll know."

He stands up, waits a second, staring at Minghao's hesitant handwriting. Of course it's hard. It better be. At least one thing he'll struggle with.

Jun leaves the room, alone with his boots hitting the floor and the neon flickering. The hallway never seemed so empty. Everyone is sleeping when he enters his room, eyes squinting to adapt to the obscurity.

He can't sleep. Again. But who's surprised ? Not him, for sure. He surprises himself wondering if Minghao's done with his papers, if he's back to his cell, if he's sleeping.

Or if he's already betraying all of them.

He doesn't realize it when he finally falls asleep. But he does realize he is dreaming when Minghao appears in front of him. They're in a hotel room. They're wearing suits, there is spying stuff on the table in front of them. They've bugged someone. But then he looks down and sees a small box in Minghao's hand. He doesn't know what it is. But red lights flash on its side. Morse code. Minghao is clicking crazily on it. Morse code. He's sending a message to who knows who. But Jun knows. His brain freezes for a second, and the next one, his fingers are locking Minghao's throat one by one. He pushes him to the wall, looks down at him. He can feel himself burning with hate. He knew it. He knew it from the beginning. And now all his efforts are wasted. For ever. But he can still take revenge before it's too late. He tightens his hand. Minghao suffocates, the box in his hand falls on the floor, he tries to grip Jun's arms, to fight back. But it's too late. A shaky puff of oxygen leaves his throat one last time, and his eyes turn white.

Jun takes his hand back and wakes up. Drenched in sweat, panting, panicked. The usual stuff. But the dream wasn't the usual stuff. He dreamt of killing Minghao. He dreamt his fears were true. He dreamt Minghao killed them all with a few clicks on a box.

He gets up, not caring if he's only wearing shorts and a tank top, and leaves his cell to run to Minghao's one. They're starting to wake up, a few curious stares fell on him on his way. But he didn't see Minghao.

When he slams the door open, Soonyoung and Minghao are dressing up, chatting normally. They both turn to him with surprise in their eyes.

"Soonyoung, out." He hates the violence in his voice. Because he thought it was gone for ever.

"Don't give me orders Jun. I'm your superior." Soonyoung is smart. He understands something is up. Behind him, Minghao freezes, looks around, helpless. He's stuck.

"Soonyoung, do me a favor. Please."

Ranks are quickly forgotten when Soonyoung seems to see something in Jun's eyes. He gives a look back at Minghao, one more at Jun. And he leaves. Jun closes the door. Locks it, actually.

Minghao looks terrified. And he didn't even say anything yet. Jun walks to him, makes him step back to the wall. He doesn't touch him. Because he doesn't know what he's capable of. He stands close enough for Minghao to notice his heavy breathing.

"What did you do. Yesterday. When I left you alone."

Minghao lets out a shaky breath. Sticks to the wall. But then, fear leaves his eyes and he straightens up, speaks with confidence.

"I did what you told me to, lieutenant Jun. I wrote what I told you. Then, I left the room and went to Chief Choi to give him my report. And I went to sleep because I was exhausted."

His sudden arrogance gives Jun an impulse that makes him want to break his face, erase the satisfied look in his eyes. He prefered when he acted as the fragile boy. Because everytime he acts confident, everytime he defies him, he gives Jun an other reason to fear him. He can't take it anymore. He turns to the room, opens his arms.

"Where did you put it ? I'm sure you're hiding something. You've got to be hiding something."

Minghao keeps hushing, watches him loosing his mind as he rummages everywhere. Turning the matress upside down, emptying the closet, patting under the furnitures.

"I don't know what you're looking for, lieutenant Jun. But you won't find anything. Because I have nothing to hide."

It's too much. Jun turns to him again. He can't bare the confidence in his eyes. The defiance. The youth he, _Wen Junhui_, didn't get. He jumps at his throat. Hits. And Minghao smiles. He's getting his face destroyed but he smiles. So, Jun hits again. Looses control.

"What do you want from me?!"

And Minghao laughs. Minghao laughs until the door of the room gets kicked and four strong arms force Jun to stop. Mingyu and Seungcheol carry him away, but just before Minghao leave his visual fiel, he can see the blood on his face.

And he's crying.

***

"What the _fuck_ did you have in mind?!"

Seungcheol slaps. A burn on the cheek. Jun hushes.

"Are you crazy? Is it a new thing to beat newbies?"

Seungcheol slaps. A burn on the cheek. Blood in the mouth. Acrid. Warm. Jun hushes.

"You were my best agent Jun. But if I can't trust you anymore, what should I do?"

Jun looks up. Seungcheol is sincere. Jun hushes. Seungcheol catches his throat. Oxygen starts lacking. Jun hushes.

"Do this once more, and you're out. I don't care Jun. I did all I could for you. But if you start fucking up like this, I'll throw you in the bear pit."

He tightens for two seconds. Lets go. Jun inhales. Looks down.

"I truly tried. My best. I made sure you were safe. There is not a day that I don't make sure you are safe. So if it's how you thank me, I don't need you anymore."

Jun looks up. Seungcheol stares directly in his eyes. Jun wants him to hit him. He deserves it. More than ever. The pain of betrayal is so big in Seungcheol's eyes. But Seungcheol doesn't move.

"You've got one last chance. Now get the fuck out of my office."

Jun obeys. Jisoo and Jeonghan are waiting in the next room when he gets out. They hush. He leaves. The hallways are empty. When he passes in front of the training room, he hears whisperings. When he passes in front of the shooting range, he hears whispering. When he passes in front of the cafeteria, he hears whisperings.

It's only in his room that he finds silence. The heavy, suffocating silence that he deserves. He broke every single rule his life relies on. He'd deserve what Seungcheol said. The bear pit. China. A shiver runs down his spine as he sits on his bed. He hits his head on the top bed.

China.

He misses the language. The perfume. The atmosphere. The people. He misses everything. But most of all, he misses the feeling of missing it. To bare the pain, he made China his nightmare, made it Hell, made it his enemy. But he loves his homeland.

The absent tears burn his eyes. It's dry. It hurts. He would like to cry his lost home. His lost ones. His pain. But he can't.

Mingyu brings him down on earth when he enters the room. He takes a chair and sits on it, staring at the ceiling.

"From all of us, I didn't think you'd be the first to loose your mind."

He stares at him. Mingyu is looking away. He lights a cigarette, draws in the air with his index finger. Jun hushes. Minguy finally turns to him. Nothing negative in his eyes.

"It would have arrived someday though. I'm glad I'm not the one you attacked. The dude's disfigured."

A pinch at the heart. It seems like the day before is years behind, but Jun sees Minghao again, acting as a real person. From the real world. Because that's what he was, not so long ago. And that is the first time he truly thinks of it. Maybe he's innocent. Maybe he's not who he thinks he is.

"Is he okay?"

He's scared of his own voice. Mingyu chuckles, exhales smoke while laughing. He turns the chair so that he can puts his legs on the desk. Shrugs.

"As much as he can be, I guess. Jisoo and Jeonghan took care of him while you were getting scolded like a kid." When Mingyu looks at him, Jun sees he knows it was not a simple scolding. He sees he knows he's at risk now. And he sees it worries Mingyu.

"Thank you."

And he lies on his bed. Mingyu leaves not so long after.

His hands hurt. He raises them. There's blood on his knuckles.

Minghao's blood.

***

"Get up stupid."

He doesn't like the fact Jihoon is waking him up at four in the morning. He doesn't like the fact he's been back for only 24 hours. He doesn't like the fact he doesn't understand what's going on. He doesn't like the fact it could be the end.

He follows him silently in the hallways. Neon. Boots on the floor. Doors. Always the same old shit. If Minghao didn't enter these undergrounds, he'd be way too thrilled to go back to the surface. If only that's what Jihoon woke him up for. And if he does go out, it's with someone he doesn't want to see. At all.

But there is no one in the last room before the hallways. Jihoon, still in the changing room, witnesses his incomprehension. He chuckles, arms crossed on his chest when Jun turns to him.

"You really thought they'd put you together on a mission not ten hours after you almost beat him to death? I thought you were smarter Jun. Come one, Jeongyeon is waiting for you."

Jeongyeon. It triggers something in him. Jeongyeon is waiting for him. He runs in the hallways. Suddenly stops. What does that mean ? That doesn't matter. He gets to see her, let's not overthink.

The three kilometers between his starting point and the parking lot he ends in seem endless. He's out of breath when he finally reaches the surface. The heavy door opens and he immediately spots the car.

There she is.

She doesn't look at him from afar. Focusing on a hair streak, she ignores him even when he enters the car. He's helpless. But then, after what seems to be hours, she finally looks at him. He doesn't like what he sees.

"You're completely crazy."

Jeongyeon slaps. A burn on the cheek. Jun widens his eyes, raises a hand to his face. Jeongyeon hushes and turns the engine on, leaving the parking lot. She hushes for a very long time.

The sun is still asleep. He never comes during night. In the evening, sometimes, but never at dawn. It's been a long time since he witnessed the world waking up. Since Jeongyeon hushes, he does so too, looks outside. Streets blue, buildings dark. Heart heavy, head drumming.

He doesn't realize they leave the city. He only does when Jeongyon pulls up in the forest, when the sun has started rising. Jun is lost. What's going on? Is she the one that will make him disappear? That's Jeongyeon, he can ask.

"Are we here for you to kill me?"

She bursts out laughing, resting her head on the steering wheel. She stops laughing but keeps her position for a bit longer. And when she looks up to catch his eyes, he can see the same incomprehension that he knows is in his own eyes. But it's not there for the same reason, and that, he perfectly knows it.

"What took you ? Junnie what happened?" It's the tone he loves so much. The nickname he missed for so long.

He shakes his head, hides his face in his hands. Sighs. "He makes me crazy. Paranoid."

Jeongyeon sighs too. She leans in her seat, looks far away.

"Jihyo called me at midnight. She was out of herself. Said Jeonghan called her and requested me for an important mission. Said you lost your mind. Almost killed someone. I immediately understood. I got up, got dressed up, got the car. Junnie, I didn't know how I would find you. Didn't know what there would be left of you."

For her last words, she looks at him straight in the eyes, and he sees the pain he caused. Understands his actions are way more than a few blood drops. He catches his hands, lowers the head.

"Jeongyeon I'm so sorry.

-Jun. Junhui." He shivers when he hears his real name, she tightens his hands. "Junhui. I've seen you with blood on your hands. I've seen you shooting more people than I can count. I've seen you making a body disappear. But all these times, your eyes were empty. You were obeying. Doing your job." Her eyes water for a second, but after she blinks twice, all traces of tears disappear. She tightens his hands once again, raises them to her heart. "But what was in your eyes the other day, I've never seen it before. You looked so ... scared. Desperate. Like a hunted beast. When I saw this, I was afraid. Afraid that you'd do something terrible."

He takes his hands back. Looks at her. Tries a smile. 

"And I did, right?"

His chuckle breaks in the middle and he pinches the bridge of his nose. Again. The lost tears. Burning. He senses Jeongyeon nodding.

"Jeongyeon. I'm so scared."

Saying it. Finally. Letting the words out and vanish into thin air. Getting this burden off his chest.

Jeongyeon nods and leans to wrap her arms around Jun, makes him hide the face in her neck.

"I know Junnie, I know."

***

For the rest of the day, they talk. Or rather, _Jun_ talks. He says everything. His slightest doubts, his nightmares. But most of all, he tells everything about Minghao. From the first second his eyes landed on him to the last time he saw him, crying. And he says his jealousy.

Because he disappointed. And he decided to believe he can trust Seungcheol when he tells him there is nothing to be scared about. And if he does so, if he really believes Minghao comes here with nothing behind him, then, he's deadly jealous. Jealous of how strong he is. Jealous of how talented he is. Jealous of how arrogant he can be.

Because when _he _arrived, when he was still Wen Junhui, he was weak. Scared. A ridiculous and pathetic child. He started from nothing. Built himself from ashes. And he became Jun. Lieutenant Jun.

But more importantly, he is jealous of Minghao's tears.

"I can hit you strong enough for you to cry, if you want," suggests Jeongyeon.

And Jun laughs. He laughs more than he did in the past year. For how long has he not laughed ? He doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to remember the dark he's been dived in for so long.

They keep laughing, he keeps getting rid of all the burdens and the fears, he trusts Jeongyeon, he truly does.

He feels at peace when they're back at an other parking lot, when the sun is going down. Things have been said, worries eased. Jun hugs Jeongyeon one last time before opening the car's door, but she holds him back, serious stare.

"Seungcheol wouldn't do that for you if you couldn't trust him. You're important to him, remember it Junnie."

Jun nods and leaves. He hopes to see her again soon.

It actually takes a long time to go back, because he doesn't hurry, he doesn't feel the urge to get back and wait for instructions. To get back to make sure Minghao is not preparing his murder. It does him something, to not shiver or clench the fists at these thoughts. To finally having found a certain peace, or at least a golden mean in all of this mess. This mess he caused.

They're not all sleeping when he steps in the undergrounds again. He hears voices, even laughs. He hears Minghao's voice. In the cafeteria. No one pays attention on his way, but when he enters in ; silence. All eyes on him. But he doesn't see anyone else than Minghao. Minghao who looks like nothing but Minghao. Eyes red with blood, lips cut, cheeks purple and black. Throat blue and yellow.

He didn't realize. He caught his throat. Like in his dream.

They stare at each other for long seconds. There is no hate in Minghao's eyes.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice has not been so quiet for a really long time.

Minghao stands up, as well as Soonyoung and Mingyu, ready to protect. But Minghao makes them sit with a simple hand gesture and approaches Jun. He comes close, very close. As close as he himself did one day ago, just before he gave him all the reasons to hate him from the bottom of his heart. But here is Minghao. Breathing normally, staring at him, waiting.

Even with a whole palette of blood schemes, his skin still glows. His eyes still shine.

Jun steps back, let him walk ahead, lead him to his room. When they enter, Minghao sits on his bed, holds his head with eyes closed for a second. But when he looks at Jun, still standing in the middle of the room, he smiles.

"I'm sorry you got in troubles because of me," he says, voice gentle and honest.

Jun has to take a seat. He hurt him. He beat him. He hit him. And yet, he's the one to apologize ? He can't help but chuckle, staring at this man he knows so little about. Minghao raises a hand to his hair, fiddles it. Bites the wound on his bottom lip.

"I wanted to say. Your work. The other day. It was impressive. Really."

Minghao smiles. He smiles like a kid getting congratulated for a good grade. He smiles and there is nothing but this smile in the room for a second. Jun stands up, reaches the doorway. He stops, stares at his feet. Turns back to look at Minghao.

"Your question, I didn't answer it. Yes, we'll have to kill him. I'm sorry."

And he leaves.

He was not sorry at all. For the man. He stopped caring a long time ago.

He apologized for everything he did to Minghao.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not dead ! not yet, at least ..  
i'm sure most of us are having the same problem in this period, so i started writing again, now that i have time for myself. i missed this fic and decided to focus on it, i truly hope i'll be able to finish it! or at least update a few chapters :)  
Don't forget to leave a kudo and tell me if you liked this new chapter heheh  
take care of you and your loved ones !


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